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¡NO SEÑOR DON FELIPE! Se Prenuncia con la Z de Zapatero – con “θ”

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I have to hand it to Brazil; I really do. Turnabouts being fair play, when it comes to the diplomatic principle of “reciprocation,” Brazil takes the cake.

As many may recall when the U.S. implemented its controversial passport control regime in January 2004, it entailed a programme and public policy shift which notably included the collection of personal data in various forms such as fingerprints, photographs and interrogations.

Brazil responded in kind by now imposing Visas, fingerprints, photographs and “interrogations” interestingly revolving around terrorism and sex tourism specifically directed to U.S. Citizens. This policy shift resulted from a Brazilian federal court order under the principle of reciprocation no doubt causing an outcry from U.S. sexual deviants and perverts to complain to the U.S. consulates in Brazil’s major ports of entry. Even the U.S. Department of State went on record as stating: “"While we acknowledge Brazil's sovereign right to determine the requirements for entry into Brazil, we regret the way in which new procedures have suddenly been put in place that single out US citizens for exceptional treatment that has meant lengthy delays in processing, such as the case today with a more than nine hour delay for some US citizens arriving at Rio's international airport," who knew sanctimonious perverts had so much clout.

With the same comic relief, Brazil and Spain are at it in a row resulting in dozens of tourists from the two nations being refused entry to one another's country and deported. Spain turned back 452 Brazilians at Madrid airport in February, arguing that they did not meet the conditions for entry.

On March 6, customs authorities at Madrid's Barajas airport denied entry to 30 Brazilian citizens, including students on their way to a seminar in Portugal, they returned home on a flight two days later and reported inappropriate treatment by the Spanish authorities despite having the appropriate documentation issued by fellow EU and Schengen Treaty state Portugal. When he asked passport control authorities “why are you treating us like dogs?” – Spanish immigration authorities allegedly replied “because that’s what you are.” Both the Brazilians and Spaniards accused the other country's police of degrading treatment and racial profiling of mulatos, mestizos and single or otherwise unaccompanied women with or without child.

Brazil retaliated by turning back around a dozen Spanish businessmen and tourists this month and requested an explanation from the Spanish ambassador, and Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva intended to discuss the matter with Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, according to the daily El Pais.

The Ibero-American Summit (Cumbre Iberoamericana) never makes headlines; the Spanish version of the Commonwealth of Nations summit tends to go under the radar to most in the Anglophone world. Except last week.

The most hilarious scene before the world press which set off a diplomatic spat now threatening Spanish investments in Venezuela – a major oil producer, transpiredwhen King Juan Carlos Borbón I of Spain told Hugo Chávez to shut his pie hole. Well, what he said was “¿Y Por qué no te callas?” For those in English-speakingrealms, this would be like Queen Elizabeth II telling John Howard of Australia where to go and how. But what caught my attention wasn’t the whole issue of a bad translation, but rather how the world press ran with this story everywhere to nth degree, and made me think and laugh at how such a small nuance of “why don’t you be quiet” turned into “Shut Up!”

Since then, YouTube, news websites, blogs and any other form of new media that has the poor writers in LA striking, contain the myriad of postings, debates, and bloggers running the gamut of liberty of expression to basic manners and common courtesy. Whatever position you take on the issue, this is one of the funniest diplomatic rows seen and not involving such depressing overtones such as the Iraqi quagmire or a “worthless dollar.”

Now reaching another – be it anticlimactic point, on President Chavez’ visit to Portugal, France and the OPEC summit, Spain sent a new set of ambassadors from the European Union and Portugal who controls its presidency as of late, citing Spain’s Foreign Relation Minister, “we keep the diplomatic channels open and try to overlook the mix-up in Santiago de Chile. We hope this matter will be settled as soon as possible.” Hugo Chávez’ response: “I have to pee.”

The Venezuelan President who vowed never to ‘shut up’ needed to bow down tonature’s calling over the weekend at the OPEC summit in Saudi Arabia –surrounded by reporters in his usual extended media spotlight and lengthy questionand answers session to excuse himself. "Look I have to go,"Chavezsaid in comments aired on Venezuelan state television. "For a while now, Ihave needed to go to the bathroom and I am going to pee ... Do you want me topee on you?" Classy